1
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Alright, alright. Can we get going<br/>here, please? You know, I've got other

2
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things to do today besides playing<br/>Santa you know. I've got to shovel

3
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that damn driveway. Come on, let's go,<br/>send the first one over.

4
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- Hi Santa. My name is...<br/>- Wo wo wo, kid!

5
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Stop right there, alright. I don't<br/>give a crap what your name is,

6
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I just want to know<br/>if you've been good?

7
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- Well... yes.<br/>- Hum, hum. You don't sound to sure.

8
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- Well I got in a fight with my sister<br/>last week. But she started it!

9
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- Next!

10
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- What about you?<br/>You been good this year?

11
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- Actually, it's not me who wanted<br/>to see you. It's my dad.

12
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- Hello Santa goo goo!<br/>How is Santa goo goo doing?

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Do you have any nice presents<br/>for Daddy goo goo?

14
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Daddy goo goo loves presents! Daddy<br/>goo goo loves Christmas presents!

15
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I love Christmas presents! I love<br/>them! I love them! I love them!

16
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- Hey, how old are you, big guy?

17
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- I am 43 and I've been really good<br/>for 43 years!

18
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"Santa, Santa goo goo, do you have<br/>some presents for me?

19
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Because Daddy Daddy goo goo<br/>he's been good for 43!"

20
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- Is your father some kind<br/>of retard or something?

21
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- No. That's just the way he is.

22
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- Can we go? Because I'm<br/>totally embarrassed now.

23
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- I want a remote-control fighter jet<br/>with laser-guided neutron missiles

24
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and SMART bombs. All black with flames<br/>on the wings, if you can swing

25
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that. That'd be really cool.<br/>Me too! Me too!

26
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- Hey... wait a minute.<br/>I remember you two!

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You're the little buggers that came<br/>to my house on Halloween!

28
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- Ah, no offense but I think you're a<br/>little mixed up there, Santa.

29
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We couldn't have come all the way to<br/>the North Pole

30
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we had to be home by 8!

31
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- No, no. You don't recognize me<br/>dressed up as Santa Claus do you?

32
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It's me! The guy with no pumpkin, no<br/>candies, no Pop-tarts. Remember?

33
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- Yes Pop-Tarts! We want a fighter jet<br/>with Pop-Tarts!

34
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Pop-Tarts are good!<br/>Pop-Tarts are good!

35
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- Impostor! Call security! He's not<br/>the real Santa Claus! He's the

36
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tightwad who lives on our street!<br/>He is a phoney. Help! Help! Security!

37
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- Hey! Calm down there you little brat.<br/>Listen to me for a minute!

38
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Santa Claus is not real, okay?<br/>He was just invented

39
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to amuse you kids, that's all!

40
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- Invented! By who? Who the hell<br/>invented Santa Claus?

41
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Come on, tell us<br/>who did, smart ass.

42
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- Coca-Cola did. In 1931.

43
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- Coca-Cola invented Santa Claus?<br/>Give me a break! I suppose, what?

44
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Dr. Pepper invented the Easter Bunny.<br/>Look! You better tell me right now

45
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what you've done with the real<br/>Santa Claus, okay?

46
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And don't screw with me<br/>because I know Kung-Fu!

47
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- Me too! Me too! OoohAaaahh!

48
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- Ok, listen to me Bruce Lee,<br/>if you want to see any

49
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presents at all this Christmas,<br/>I would recommend not kicking

50
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Santa in the pills.<br/>Alright?

51
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- I'm not listening to you! You are not<br/>the real Santa Claus

52
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What did you do with the real<br/>Santa Claus, han!!

53
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- Security! We got a kid here<br/>about to have a shit fit!

54
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- Listen, you tell me where he is<br/>or I'll take out my nunchuks!!

55
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- Next!

56
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- Ooooh yaaah!