1 00:00:01,000 --> 00:00:05,000 Alright, alright. Can we get going here, please? You know, I've got other 2 00:00:05,020 --> 00:00:08,110 things to do today besides playing Santa you know. I've got to shovel 3 00:00:08,130 --> 00:00:13,270 that damn driveway. Come on, let's go, send the first one over. 4 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:19,000 - Hi Santa. My name is... - Wo wo wo, kid! 5 00:00:19,020 --> 00:00:21,110 Stop right there, alright. I don't give a crap what your name is, 6 00:00:21,130 --> 00:00:23,170 I just want to know if you've been good? 7 00:00:23,190 --> 00:00:28,290 - Well... yes. - Hum, hum. You don't sound to sure. 8 00:00:29,010 --> 00:00:33,290 - Well I got in a fight with my sister last week. But she started it! 9 00:00:34,000 --> 00:00:36,020 - Next! 10 00:00:37,150 --> 00:00:39,290 - What about you? You been good this year? 11 00:00:40,010 --> 00:00:43,290 - Actually, it's not me who wanted to see you. It's my dad. 12 00:00:44,010 --> 00:00:47,160 - Hello Santa goo goo! How is Santa goo goo doing? 13 00:00:47,180 --> 00:00:50,190 Do you have any nice presents for Daddy goo goo? 14 00:00:50,210 --> 00:00:53,260 Daddy goo goo loves presents! Daddy goo goo loves Christmas presents! 15 00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,020 I love Christmas presents! I love them! I love them! I love them! 16 00:00:56,040 --> 00:00:58,050 - Hey, how old are you, big guy? 17 00:00:58,070 --> 00:01:02,070 - I am 43 and I've been really good for 43 years! 18 00:01:02,090 --> 00:01:05,240 "Santa, Santa goo goo, do you have some presents for me? 19 00:01:05,260 --> 00:01:09,290 Because Daddy Daddy goo goo he's been good for 43!" 20 00:01:11,000 --> 00:01:13,060 - Is your father some kind of retard or something? 21 00:01:13,080 --> 00:01:15,230 - No. That's just the way he is. 22 00:01:15,250 --> 00:01:18,250 - Can we go? Because I'm totally embarrassed now. 23 00:01:20,280 --> 00:01:26,010 - I want a remote-control fighter jet with laser-guided neutron missiles 24 00:01:26,030 --> 00:01:30,010 and SMART bombs. All black with flames on the wings, if you can swing 25 00:01:30,030 --> 00:01:32,250 that. That'd be really cool. Me too! Me too! 26 00:01:32,270 --> 00:01:35,180 - Hey... wait a minute. I remember you two! 27 00:01:35,200 --> 00:01:38,140 You're the little buggers that came to my house on Halloween! 28 00:01:38,160 --> 00:01:43,200 - Ah, no offense but I think you're a little mixed up there, Santa. 29 00:01:43,220 --> 00:01:45,290 We couldn't have come all the way to the North Pole 30 00:01:46,010 --> 00:01:48,090 we had to be home by 8! 31 00:01:48,110 --> 00:01:52,100 - No, no. You don't recognize me dressed up as Santa Claus do you? 32 00:01:52,120 --> 00:01:58,170 It's me! The guy with no pumpkin, no candies, no Pop-tarts. Remember? 33 00:01:58,190 --> 00:02:00,280 - Yes Pop-Tarts! We want a fighter jet with Pop-Tarts! 34 00:02:00,300 --> 00:02:03,000 Pop-Tarts are good! Pop-Tarts are good! 35 00:02:03,020 --> 00:02:08,050 - Impostor! Call security! He's not the real Santa Claus! He's the 36 00:02:08,070 --> 00:02:13,090 tightwad who lives on our street! He is a phoney. Help! Help! Security! 37 00:02:13,110 --> 00:02:16,210 - Hey! Calm down there you little brat. Listen to me for a minute! 38 00:02:16,230 --> 00:02:20,090 Santa Claus is not real, okay? He was just invented 39 00:02:20,110 --> 00:02:22,120 to amuse you kids, that's all! 40 00:02:22,140 --> 00:02:26,190 - Invented! By who? Who the hell invented Santa Claus? 41 00:02:26,210 --> 00:02:29,070 Come on, tell us who did, smart ass. 42 00:02:29,090 --> 00:02:32,100 - Coca-Cola did. In 1931. 43 00:02:32,120 --> 00:02:37,270 - Coca-Cola invented Santa Claus? Give me a break! I suppose, what? 44 00:02:37,290 --> 00:02:42,110 Dr. Pepper invented the Easter Bunny. Look! You better tell me right now 45 00:02:42,130 --> 00:02:44,140 what you've done with the real Santa Claus, okay? 46 00:02:44,160 --> 00:02:47,000 And don't screw with me because I know Kung-Fu! 47 00:02:47,020 --> 00:02:49,200 - Me too! Me too! OoohAaaahh! 48 00:02:49,220 --> 00:02:52,020 - Ok, listen to me Bruce Lee, if you want to see any 49 00:02:52,040 --> 00:02:54,290 presents at all this Christmas, I would recommend not kicking 50 00:02:55,010 --> 00:02:57,020 Santa in the pills. Alright? 51 00:02:57,040 --> 00:02:59,150 - I'm not listening to you! You are not the real Santa Claus 52 00:02:59,170 --> 00:03:01,170 What did you do with the real Santa Claus, han!! 53 00:03:01,250 --> 00:03:05,200 - Security! We got a kid here about to have a shit fit! 54 00:03:05,220 --> 00:03:09,010 - Listen, you tell me where he is or I'll take out my nunchuks!! 55 00:03:09,030 --> 00:03:11,040 - Next! 56 00:03:11,060 --> 00:03:13,080 - Ooooh yaaah!